Category: Philosophy

1. It makes ugly people easier to look at.
2. I can sneeze without covering my mouth.
3. You cannot see my lips move when I mouth “asshole”.
4. It makes you think I give a shit whether you live or die.
5. It gives me a great excuse for not understanding your mumbled line of bullshit.
6. You don’t know who I am when I fart.
7. You can’t tell when my nose is running.
8. You can’t see food in my mustache.
9. It keeps me from smelling your nasty cologne or perfume.

‎Monday, ‎14 ‎September, ‎2020
Rain, rain, go away–the West Coast is calling you.
I was rudely awakened a few days ago by my watchband pinching my wrist, Another of those “sports” straps, of some kind of rubber, it had broken almost completely through. It was held together by about 1/32nd of an inch on one side, snarkgefrazzle.
Wouldn’t it be nice if the straps lasteduntil the battery died?
I carefully removed it from my arm and went looking for some kind of glue to repair it. Believe it or not, I found some that might work, and it had not set up in the tube! I applied the glue to the appropriate edges and began the hold-it-together countdown while trying not to have my fingrs permanently attached to the strap. It eventually held enough fo me to let go (yay!) and carefully set it where it would likely not be disturbed for the 24- hour curing of the bond.
Forty hours later, I put it om my wrist–carefully–and it held!
For an hour and a half. I flexed my arm, I guess, and the strap snapped all the way apart at the original fracture,
rackenfratz
Other than that (and the telemarketerrs), I have had a good few days in a row. Even the Eternal Migraine is on low. Now for a sunny day or twelve….
I smell cookies baking. I don’t bake and I’m alone in the house, as usual. I haven’t heard anything,but I smell chocolate chip cookies in the making. Be right back.
Kitchen empty; oven off, cold, and empty. But I smell them.
On the way back, I located a chair with my right little toe (as opposed to the left one, not the wrong one–although that might just apply, as well). I chanted the words of the Magical Incantation to Relieve Pain in the Little Toe, several times, at varying volume settings. Everyone knows that one instinctively–just stub your toe accidentally, and it will spring to your mind and mouth without thinking.
Just hope that there are no women, children, or preachers in earshot.
I must be hallucinating, but why I cannot figure. The only thing that has been ingested that is out of my regular routine was a plate of BBQ made and donated by Kevin, with a special sauce that he really should bottle and sell.
I am awake and not dreaming, I know–the toe is still throbbing. But The Black Wolf is here. And around him are teh Five Silly Puppies allsmiley-faced and waggle-tailed. I greet him out loudwith our usual “huka hey, Brother Wolf.”
“Brother Michael, it isthe baest day to die. My Honored Kin here insisted on coming along, as you can see.”
my name,not brother man, but the pups are here, too. and i smell cookies yet.
i ask if i can finish this. ‘typequickly’, he said
glad I had this erady–head hurts baddd
i know what fdrs last wrods mean

cry not
love

The more I see of the human race the better I like dogs–present company excepted.

Cause the World Health Organization says to wear a mask! No Bro, WHO don’t say that they say “Masks should only be used by health care workers, caretakers or by people who are sick with symptoms of fever and cough.” May 28, 2020.

Cause the CDC says to wear a mask! No Bro, CDC did not say that. Prior to May 2020, they said, “that only those with Covid-19 symptoms wear masks.” After that date, they said, “Cloth face coverings fashioned from household items or made at home from common materials at low cost can be used as an additional, voluntary public health measure.” The CDC “website” does recommend wearing a mask if you go out in public, but it says explicitly to prevent others from you??? Bro, you wearin a mask to protect me from you, research worldwide says asymptomatic transmission is RARE. There is no need to protect me from you!  https://www.cnbc.com/2020/06/08/asymptomatic-coronavirus-patients-arent-spreading-new-infections-who-says.html 

Of course, I must point out that Dr. Deborah Birx, White House coronavirus coordinator said on May 10, 2020, that, “there is nothing from the CDC that I can trust,” 

So Bro, why yo wearin a mask? Cause Nancy Pelosi says, wear one. It is called VIRTUE SIGNALING! People in charge who have no idea what to do; need ways to reassure the proletariat to keep them from rioting. Hence wear a mask and lead an army of nattering nabobs to mask shame their neighbors into compliance with virtue signaling. Just like “duck and cover” for school children during nuclear war or bussing to solve racial inequality in our schools. Ridiculous.

See diarrhea of the pen

Im older than dirt:
Grandmother let me help run the wringer washer
Milk and soda bottles were recycled
Mom washed diapers
Sasafrass tea came in stick bundles
I was great with a push reel style lawn mower
Special hand clippers for grass trimming
My bike was motorized with playing cards and a clothes pins
Clothes pins came from the clothes pin bag on the clothes line
Towels dryed on the line and were rough as cobs
My sister and I took turns washing or drying dishes every day
Cars had no A/C
Wipers were vacuum operated
I built my first radio
Blue jeans were worn with turned up cuffs
I was taught how to kill and clean a chicken
I stood on a stool learning to cook
I made my own garden when I was 6, fed the whole family with peas, beans, carrots, squash all summer
Built my own tree house at 5 years old
Potato chips were delivered and the can recycled
Grocery bags were brown paper and recycled over and over
I covered all my school books with paper bag material
We had gas wars with prices as low as .18¢/gallon
My party line number began with AMherst
I had either a burr or a flattop haircut
Loved miniature wax coke bottles
Yes, I had a Red Rider bb gun
I had a kaleidoscope and a viewmaster
I loved greeny-stickem caps
I faithfuly watched Davey Crockett, Hoppalong Cassidy and the Howdy Doody Show
I ran a lemonade stand the summers I was 5,6,and 7
I has an iris collection envied by all our neighbors and Mom taught me flower arranging by 6 years old.
I wore Buster Brown oxford shoes and got them wet in the creek everyday.
I had so many Cub Scout arrow heads they were sewn to the tail of my shirt
If it was good weather, I was allowed to walk home the mile from school.

23 April 2020
I now believe that America has been failed by expert CV19 guidance. I want to be clear, I don’t believe it was deliberately wrong or vindictive, it was simply the product of bureauocratic incompetence. The WHO, the NIC, the CDC are just wrong! Nothing they said, forecast or recommended has been correct. The numbers dead, the numbers hospitalized, the hospital bed needs, the effect of masks, the effect of social distancing, the effectivness of chloroquine, the effectiveness of remdesivir, the dates of virus introduction, the classification of normal death causes as CV19, the ineffective intubation cure, the revelation that 2 of 3 CDC labs were contaminated with Coronavirus and all CV tests were faulty..
have all been consistently erroneous. History will record this national disaster as a overreaction to a disease much less deadly than the annual flu. We are approaching 30 million citizens unemployed, the repercussions of which will kill a hundred thousand Americans. REOPEN AMERICA

On the eve of the first day of the last year of the second decade of the twenty-first century of the Christian Era, I greet you! I wish for you (and all the Earth!) a happier, more peaceful New Year. I’m not counting on it, but it does not hurt to wish. At least, not much….

After all, this may just be the year wherein all politicians and telemarketers and their families (out to second cousins) are placed on a small island far removed from all other land, and that island is then nuked until it is a chasm in the seabed.
Let us pray!

And it may just be the year in which people realize we do not need gun (and knife) control, we need crazy control, with a ten-thousand-fold increase (minimum) in mental health screening and treatment, including the rooms with rubber walls. Or maybe the media ghouls will wise up and quit advertising the mass shootings, and thereby implanting the idea of such into minds that should not think of such things and have access to possible victims. 

May your Walk with The Black Wolf, and that of those you love, not be this year. Should he pay you a social visit, though, enjoy your conversation–it is bound to edify and entertain you both. And when you do Walk with him, I shall try to arrange that he bring you a packet of Peg’s Cookies large enough to share on the way.
I must admit that I am looking forward to that aspect of the Walk. She is an excellent baker….

In short, avoid those things that aggravate you and seek out those things that make you smile. Live largely, and love enormously, and laugh to make the universe ring!
And may I be in Heaven a half-hour before the Devil knows I’m dead!

The more I see of the human race the better I like dogs–present company excepted.

May/3/2020

I was dreaming I was walking along a footpath in the Smokies, clear sky, light wind, sunlight dappling the ground through the leaves. Not so distantly, a creek could be heard babbling and bubbling as if no one were listening–or if someone was, it did not care a whit.
I stooped at the spring for a drink, and heard a familiar voice say, “Huka hey, Brother Man!”
“Huka hey, Brother Wolf. I did not see you in the deep shade and dark water.”
Tongue loll. “I am hiding for a bit of rest. This coronavirus has had me and my eldest litters busier than usual. Not quite so bad as a war, but many souls, nonetheless, and spread out.”
“I understand, Brother Wolf. I hope you have had moments to stop by Peggy’s and get a bite to eat.”
“She always has something on the stove or in the oven, and shares generously. In a way, the boom in my duties has been a good thing, to keep my waistline down. My wife here likes Peggy’s cooking, too, but is more disciplined than I.”
I had not noticed Sister Wolf, lying behind TBW in a deeper patch of shade. I introduced myself, with apologies for being tardy in acknowledging her presence.
“Huka hey, Brother Man. I took no offense, for I show myself but rarely. I have heard much about you from TBW, and from Peggy. How much should I believe?” A smile was in her eyes.
“None of it Sister Wolf, for it is probably true.”
Tongue lolls from them both.
“Especially what Peggy had to say, I suppose,” said Sister Wolf, who is slightly larger and sleeker than TBW, and equally as ebon.
“Even so, milady.”
” She had not VERY much bad to say, Brother Man, as little sisters do. I like her.”
“I am a bit fond of her, as well. When you see her, please give her my love.”
“We shall see her when the doctors get ahead of the virus, but not before, I fear,”said TBW. In fact, my wife is able to help me and the offspring who are old enough to help only because Peggy is cub-sitting for us with our newest whelps. Well, she and those you call the Five Silly Puppies are riding herd on the six of them. Your love will be relayed to all six.”
“I am not surprised at that. I am certain that Peg and pups are enjoying themselves and the cubs immensely.”
Sister Wolf said, “She was gracious enough to volunteer, with her pack right behind her. She already knew this litter, but she volunteered anyway.” Tongue loll. “The little ones like her and the FSPs, and may even mind them better than they do me.”
I chuckled. “You are but their mother. She is the Lady with the Stove, no?”
Double tongue lolls.
TBW stood and stretched and asked his lady, “We have soaked and cooled our pads enough for now, dear, haven’t we?”
She performed a long, sinuous, and apparently extremely enjoyable stretch herself. “Yes, dear,” she said. She turned to me and bowed her head (rather regally, as was befitting). “Huka hey, Brother Man! Stay well.”
TBW tongue-lolled and said, “Huka hey, Brother Man. She Who Must Be Obeyed has spoken. Be well, or answer to Her.”
“Huka hey, Sister Wolf. Huka hey, Sister Wolf. May you and yours get back on your normal schedule soon.”
Sister Wolf smiled wryly. “That is our hope, too.”
I was alone in the creek, refreshed.
—
Sometimes I wonder if my mind has gone down too many alleyways and lost sight of the real world. I hope not, for I rather enjoy my visits with The Black Wolf, and look forward to seeing his Lady Wolf again, and perhaps meeting their sons and daughters.
But then, what IS the real world?

1) We have naturally provided costumes for each holiday and season. Christmas is Santa, Halloween is the Great Pumpkin, Thanksgiving a Turkey, Fourth of July is a Giant Cherry Bomb, Winter is a Snowman, Summer a Sun, Spring a Teletubby, MLK as Fat Albert.
2) It is easy, to tell the truth about fat slobs like Rosie O’Donnell, Michael Moore, Megan McCain, Amy Schumer or Stacey Abrams without being self-conscience.
3) Fat people are more believable and happier. They have nothing to hide, and they don’t go around hungry.

4) Fat shaming is OK. It’s like black people calling one another the n-word.

5) There is no need to diet.

6) People avoid sitting close to you. You will be the last one to sit next to on a bus, and some will sell their souls to switch seats on a plane.

7) You always get extra portions in a cafeteria line.

8) People never try to squeeze past you in a corridor or hallway.

9) No one would even think of cutting in front of you in a buffet line.

10) We don’t wrinkle…our faces my show some folds but no wrinkles

They never disturb you with the sounds of lawn equipment operating.

They provide a continual source of intrigue as to why you can see glimpses of red, blue, and white light around your window blinds.

They never annoy you changing outdoor decorations. They usually leave something like a pumpkin on display all year.

They often don’t bother you coming and going as they spend many evenings in public service facilities such as hospitals and police stations.

People on crack are environmentally friendly, they only weight about 100 pounds and don’t eat anything or breath a lot of our air.

There is never any wonder where new grass diseases come from. Springtime is like opening natures surprise package.

There is never any doubt when a dirtbag neighbor gets a new home appliance. The old appliance sits on the street waiting on a Mexican to come take it and the new box weathers for months until you help haul it to the trash.